Recently I've been letting myself get bogged down by a lot of stuff, to borrow a phrase from one of my favorite authors, My boots have been heavy. My heart has been hurting, my smiles have been less frequent and I occasionally find myself sleepwalking through my life, choosing to be numb to all my feelings rather than wrestle with the ones casting a dark shadow on a beautiful life. My moodiness pulls me down like quicksand, sucking me into a pit of failures, mistakes and people lost that makes it hard to realize how lucky and loved I really am. Being abroad is the greatest experience I've had so far in life but it's also sometimes the loneliest and scariest. I've always fancied myself brave enough to walk the tightrope of independence but I've never actually had to do so without a safety net to fall into.
But... as a good friend of mine remarked recently in a much needed cross continental note of love and encouragement via my e-mail inbox: happiness is a choice. So as I reflect on the tears and insecurities of the past few weeks I'm instead choosing to be happy, grateful for the beautiful moments that transpired even before I reminded myself of a favorite quote of mine "It's not as hard to be happy as you're making it" (especially in Italy).
Fifteen things that made me happy in the past Fifteen Days
1. Curling up on the couch with across the universe, a bottle of red wine, visiting friends and, lots of blankets as the rain came down outside.
2. Taylor Swift's Speak Now CD on repeat
3. A phone call to my eternal roommate and soulmate Erin whose high pitched "LeeN" always makes the world feel right again.
4. Experimenting in the kitchen and then sitting down with a glass of wine and a dinner I made myself that is slightly more refined than PB and J pasta or grilled cheese (although I did make that recently as well).
5. Finding out that garlic isn't green when I cooked with it for the first time.
6. Venice. So beautiful and romantic.
7. Four days of meals at all my favorite restaurants for free while my mother was in town, including a dinner with just the two of us that was full of honesty and (for once) non-combative conversation.
8. Details in the fabric by Jason Mraz (source for this blog title)
9.A care package from my Theta fam complete with Theta tanks, holiday candle, Halloween socks, a fourth of July flag filled with confetti and some fabulously drawn stick figure cartoons of my adventures in Europe furnished with creepy Italian men.
10. Splashing in the twinkling reflections of lights captured in cobblestone puddles with my sky blue rain-boots as I walk home at night without an umbrella.
11. My ugly, old, dirty, embarrassingly pink, gloriously warm, and comfy Ugg boots (yes, that was a sentence with six adjectives and no verb).
12. A lit candle and the serenity prayer in Orasanmichael (my favorite church in the world)
13. A sweet heartfelt compliment from a new acquaintance with no ulterior motives for giving it.
14. Finally knowing my way around Firenze without a map and being able to show my home to visiting friends and my mother.
15. A visit from the only friend I've retained since preschool and the reassuring realization (during a conversation about who would be the bride and who would be the bridesmaid first) that sometimes friendships do last forever and it's possible for people to grow up without growing apart.
:)
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